Female Dogs Face Serious Competition
By Andy (2000/06/09)
Who is it, you ask? She happens to contribute on a regular basis to the D section in an international newspaper. Her articles used to occupy the D section all week but was sensibly reduced to Tuesday through Thursday. Gossip articles, no more. As I'm sure, if it wasn't for her work, the newspaper would surely falter. At least that's what she thinks.
I'm now convinced that there's nothing Adobe Photoshop can't do. Based on how that photo looks they must have put in some serious overtime, touch-up would be a gross understatement. I also happen to notice the picture's file name has "2" in it. I dread to think how the first one turned out. Those artists are amazing human beings, kudos to them for making things pleasant for you and me.
When she called the other day, I should have known the knock I heard on the double doors to our office, was her ego coming from three states away. How the hell do you measure something that size? The largest unit I know of, off the top of my head, is a light-year. It knows no boundaries, much like the definition of infinite speed or mass, it occupies all points in space simultaneously. The question still remains if its effects extend beyond our perceived dimensions. It truly is a phenomenon. If one could harness such power, I wouldn't doubt that you could control time. I have first hand experience with this, because the combined 3 minutes I spent on the phone with her felt like hours.
I can't quite describe the feeling to be called an idiot by a person like this, but loss of motor function did ensue from rage. A gossip columnist, one who does nothing but wastes their time following the paths of other people who have earned their way to popularity; she called me an idiot, amazing. By writing this vague article alone, I have contributed more to society then she has in her entire career. The very thought of this leech, judging me, gives me intense intestinal problems. I can't stand it any longer, I have to go to the bathroom...