My Favorite Charity *OR* A Rant Against Myself
By Mary (2000/09/05)What I have to say today is something bigger and more personal than anything I've every put in writing.
I've recently discovered that I am a Chooser, a chosen loser of sorts. I have made countless decisions in my life, none to few based on solid values or virtues. I profess to be God-fearing, but I do not embrace the Bible and its teachings, not all of them, anyway. I do not slither around breaking the ten commandments, behave immorally or unethically by any modern standards, or deliberately cause strife and upheaval in anyone's life.. In fact, have been described as kind and giving, even Gracious. Nonetheless, I have trouble giving up my Sundays for my in-laws or an in-depth home project, let alone to show my faith or go to church to say I go. I would never conceive spending my days roaming the earth to spread God's word. I would never consider giving up my firm mattress, my mini-van, my credit cards, or my Mary Kay cosmetics to live a life of poverty and charity. As I joke to my husband, I'm my favorite charity. I bought raffle tickets last week on behalf of a cancer victim whom I did not know. I won a $65 haircut and color. Nothing like feeding in to the cycle.
The choosing started years ago. I chose a college solely based on the fact that my current boyfriend attended it. I backed out of the early childhood education program early on because it seemed like a hassle. I majored in writing and minored in film and theatre so I could enjoy myself. I returned to college to be a nurse because it seemed necessary to make any real money. I left nursing to run a home business and now I'm returning to nursing to make more money. I married a wonderful man in between, but I cannot pretend for a minute that his name and wealthy family did not impact me and increase his appeal.
I wonder how much of this is me and how much of it is the effect of my generation.
70'-Disco fever (I was a child, had nothing to do with it!) 80's-Me decade 90's-Generation X 2000-?
Am I a lost cause? Am I destined to continue choosing based on nothing solid, only money and comfort?
Survival of the fittest/Darwinism? Capitalism? Personal flaws?
All my parent's doing? (My mother did not breast feed me)
Maybe I'm a disappointed extension of Jack Kerouac exposing his lost generation.
Hmm.. He tapped on something pretty universal. Maybe I'll give 'On the Road' another look and see if it still blows me away...A start.