New and Improved
By Melli (2000/08/23)As I was feeding my one year child the other day, I began to read the label on her jar of food. I noticed that in BOLD letters it stated that this item was " New and Improved." I thought to myself , hey what was wrong with the old one? I then proceeded to look at other items around my kitchen and every where I looked, the labels all said " New and Improved." I was becoming quite worried, thinking what imperfect version of orange juice did I drink last week?! I started feeling ill, wondering what else did I poison my body with. As I walked upstairs to the medicine cabinet, I again encountered "New and Improved" labels. On the bottle of aspirin, my bath soap, the shampoo, even the toothpaste was "New and Improved".!!! Where my teeth going to all turn green by next week? Will my hair fall out? I couldn't take it anymore!! I became very angry thinking how could all these companies release a product that was less than perfect? How could they allow me to serve my four year old daughter that god awful version of ravioli when she was 2? I felt like the worse possible mother and apologized in advance to her incase she grew a third arm out of her back when she was older. I then turned to my one year old and noticed that she had a "New and improved" label on her forehead.
Why do these company's feel the need to tell us that the old version of the same product was wrong? They might as well print an apology on the package. "Due to that idiot that worked in the lab previously, that cough medicine you bought last month, might kill you. Here is our correct formula". I am afraid to see what else will be "New and Improved".
Note: Artist's rendering. Child pictured may not be the same one mentioned in text of article. New and improved claims based on quantity of artificial sugar and spice added to this years model compared to similar child one year ago.